Companionship Works Best When You Have Common Values

Why do we as humans sometimes feel the need to pull people where we are or where we want them to be or rather where we think they should be. People should be allowed to make decisions off of their own volution. And not out of coercion. You can advise a person if you think that what you are presenting to them is beneficial to them, but only they can make the decision. The decision to either receive or reject what you are offering.

If someone doesn’t feel something at their core, why do you think that you will forcefully change that? Learn to present your idea and let people decide for themselves. And be mature enough to hold the tension of them rejecting what you present, without taking it personally.

Friendship is the same way; you can’t force friendships; most develop naturally. It is in your interactions that something like natural selection happens and it is usually because you share values. The common denominator is your shared values. Once those values begin to change so does the friendship dynamic. And if the friendship was based on shaky values, then it becomes easy for the friendship to break. Some friendships can survive the break but others don’t, so they end. And just like the natural selection happened when the friendship started, another natural diversion happens.

It is important to recognize when this diversion is happening or happens. It could mean that the friendship was based on frivolous things and maybe it needs to be grounded on more stable things. Or that the parties involved can just allow it to die a natural death if it is not worth fighting for.

True companionship is based on shared values and not on forced values. These values are probably something that each of the parties in the friendship hold onto on an individual level. For example, one person can’t believe in being compassionate and the other treats people with contempt. There is a clear mismatch there. This therefore calls for a self-awareness of sorts to be able to recognize what behaviour is not congruent with your values. And be able to let go of a friendship that is not meeting your personal standard.

Unfortunately, there are very many mismatched people, friendships because people lack a form of self-awareness. They know that deep down they are not okay with a certain behaviour but they suppress that internal signal. However, when a person is self-aware, they are able to recognize mismatched behaviours and values and act accordingly. Not in order to tell people what to do or what not to, just to protect yourself from what and who you don’t want. To respectfully reject something or someone or a certain proposition that doesn’t align with your value system.

The goal is not necessarily to change a person; people change mostly on their own volution. It is to know your values, your standards and to stand by them. In order to attract the right people, opportunities, things to you. Hence true companionship works best when you have common values. Because then, you can always refer to your values when you fall off or miss the mark.