While bent over with half my torso buried in a sudsy bucket of water filled with odd bits of this week’s laundry, my attention was turned to my cat Meawly Cyrus, whose criminal record is quite lengthy by the way. She’s barely a few months old but has already commited every imaginable crime in the book.
What was she doing? Well, nothing really. She was just sitting very still in the entrance of an old store in the backyard filled with odds and ends. And so I continued scrubbing my shirt and stripped socks, whistling a tune to keep me motivated as I continued with the soapy task.
Suddenly, as if ignited by a jolt of electricity, Meawly springs into the air, makes a giant leap and lands with such precision as would have made her wild ancestors proud. For a second I had imagined she was perhaps a wildcat, indeed, because in her saw-toothed mouth was a big fat rat which was now screaming painfully as it tried to pry itself off the jaws of the cutest, and indeed the newest, hunter in town, for this was my first time in the history of my eyes to see a live action rat-hunt by any cat I’d ever had.
I immediately stop with my present task of hygiene, my senses having found a more agreeable interest, for who does not like to see a good old hunt, especially when the hunter is as dear to you as a child, and the hairy prey is a cloth-chewing, soap-eating, shoe-boring, snack-stealing nightmare?
BUT HALT! ✋
Whatever merits Cat might have earned for being a skillful hunter were quickly overruled by her careless abandon when she was slightly distracted by the noise of a low flying aircraft that frightened her a tad bit, causing her to promptly let go of the wailing chunk of vermin, who by now was perhaps repenting to the Rat King for all the sins it had done to mankind!
As the droning of the aircraft tore the air with a long, low boom, Meawly ran off as fast as she could to the shelter that the main house provided 🐾.
BUT upon realising that she had dropped off the rat ( who we will call Steve from now on 😁), she jolted back to the store in hopes to retrieve him, but lo, where was big old Steve? He had long disappeared!!
I was now fully determined in catching Steve myself 😶🤺 , and I made long strides to the old, semi-haunted store.
Just as I made my final step on the store’s threshold, I see Meawly charging after Steve, and when I realised they were coming towards me at a terrific speed, I nearly wet my pants. Guys, uncle Steve WAS LARGE. And guess what, he was running straight towards me! 🙆
Now, I’ve heard of man-eating rats. Who needs a rat up their a$$ anyway? I saw it in his eyes– his intentions were singular: to get up my pants, run around my most holy places, take a leisurely snack at the soft, succulent flesh that I use to sit on, then skedaddle all over my body. Only then would he consider himself worthy of being munched by this cute ball of fur with really sharp daggers on her paws.
BUT WHO AM I to allow myself such an uncomfortable experience? I
reversed like a Fuso, made a screech, paused a little, then rocketed in random tangents across the yard, trying as hard as I could to stifle my screams, lest the cute girls next door saw me running away from what, a mere rat? Not so mere, cutegirls!! 😆😆
Ladies and gentlemen: I humbly present you the tale of Man, Rat and Cat: man is running from rat, rat is running from cat, all in high gear. I KNEW Steve wanted to eat me. I knew he wanted to run around my tee shirt and scramble all over my head. I saw it in his eyes. And I couldn’t let that happen!!🏃
After some time, I looked behind me and far away in the distance, Meawly Cyrus was sitting very still, with something screaming in her chainsaw mouth. I heaved a sigh of relief when I finally saw that Steve was still and quite, and there was a drop of blood staining the green blades of the grass.
Meawly laid the late Steve down and sniffed him, and then, with a look of disgusted indifference, walked away from him, and merrily jogged into the house, disappearing out of sight.
I’m left with dear old Steve , and as I cautiously inspect him with a long stick, I wonder to myself why on earth was I so afraid of him, because, in up-close reality, Steve is but a juvenile rat, perhaps 2 weeks old, and he also looks really cute 🥺.
With a faint desire to weep, I whisper to myself, “his mom and dad must be out there looking for him.” 😢
And as I do so, reality hits me, and a new fear is unlocked. 😲
I’m currently doing brutal workouts and exhausting routine practices as I anticipate to face battle against the family of rats that occupy the store, but I need not fear because Knight Meawly Cyrus The First will be the chief commander in our quest to annihilate the Kingdom of the Rats that lies beyond 🎺 🐎 ⚔️ 🇳🇵
