Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a person’s ability to understand and manage both their emotions and the emotions of others. The term was popularized in 1995 by Dr. Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and behavioral scientist journalist. EI is necessary because it leads to effective communication, improved self-awareness, better stress management, enhanced decision-making and effective leadership. In order to measure EI, psychologists use techniques such as self-reporting, other-reporting and ability testing.
Now that you know the definition of EI, we can now identify its five components. By identifying them, you will understand how to increase your EI. Here are the components below.
1. Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others by imagining yourself in their place. One aspect of how empathy is a component of EI is perspective-taking. One thing to remember is that we do not all share the same views. There is this need for some to force others to think like you. This kind of aggression is what causes conflict. Imagine a case where your friend says fathers are unnecessary. Hearing that statement, you will feel like jumping at their throat. How dare they say that when you have a loving father? However, by listening to them, you will realize your friend’s father was abusive to them. Knowing that is what the father did, you will understand their sentiment.
Also, being empathetic teaches you to be non-judgmental. A non-judgmental person avoids jumping to conclusions without hearing what the other person has to say. Also, when you remain non-judgmental, you provide a safe space for other people to open up about their issues. As a parent, it can be disappointing to learn that your child is abusing drugs. Naturally, you will want to scold them. If you are always harsh with your child, your child may hide their behavior or lie about their reasons for abusing drugs. As long as you remain non-judgmental, your child will tell you the truth about their behavior.
2. Self-Awareness
When you are self-aware, you can recognize and understand your emotions, behaviors and thoughts. By understanding yourself better, you will have great interactions with others. For instance, being self-aware means being able to do some self-reflection. There are people who will always blame others for everything. For instance, you could blame your ex for causing your relationship to end. However, upon self-reflecting, you may realize you caused it all by being too controlling. Once you recognize what you did wrong in your relationship, you can enter the next relationship as a changed person.
Being self-aware means understanding the beliefs of core values that drive you. For instance, why do you report to work? Remember, there are varying reasons why people report to their workplaces. Let us assume, you go to work for career and personal development. How do you intend to grow in your career? Will your current core values or beliefs help you achieve that goal? You cannot grow in your career if you know you are always late for work.
3. Motivation
When it comes to motivation, we seek to understand why you do the things you do. You could do something because you are passionate about it. If you would like to be a doctor, you will study medicine. Some medicine students will tell you how intense the course can get. However, due to your passion for wanting to be a doctor, you will not care how intense the course is. Also, you will likely have examined the pros and cons of being a doctor.
With motivation, comes the setting of goals and working towards them. There are a lot of goals you must set to become a doctor. As a student, you can choose to read 6 pages of your course daily. Another goal to set is deciding when and how you will refine your clinical skills. Sometimes, you may miss your goals. When that happens, reflect on why that happened and what you can do about it.
4. Self-Regulation
Self-regulation is being able to manage your emotions, behaviors and impulses in various situations. One of the key aspects of self-regulation is emotional self-control. Of course, there are events that can cause us to be very emotional. Still, you must do what you can to remain calm whenever possible. Imagine you and your entire get evicted from your house for late rent payments. Following this eviction, you wail uncontrollably in front of your spouse and children. How do you think your children will respond to your behavior? They will panic and begin to feel helpless. Remember, they generally view parents as being able to do anything. As tough as this situation is, keeping calm will enable you to think rationally to get yourself out of this mess.
Impulse control is another key aspect of self-regulation. Typically, kids lack impulse control. A good example is when you take them to the mall. When they see ice-cream, they will want it immediately. If you ask them to wait, they will not want to hear of it. As a parent, it would be best not to always give in to their demands lest they grow up spoiled. Also, adults lack impulse control. There are people who are willing to sleep with anything that moves. When you sleep with many random people, you may get STIs or unwanted pregnancies.
5. Social Skills
People with great social skills can communicate with others and build meaningful relationships with them. The ability to connect with others means being able to understand other people’s emotions and needs. As a result, people with great social skills can make for good leaders. As a leader, you can push for change for the betterment of others. Once you understand a person is depressed because they are unemployed, you can use your influence as a leader to help the person. A good example is setting up a GoFundMe for them.
Great social skills means you will be good at conflict resolution. In a disagreement, you know better than to fight fire with fire. Therefore, it is best to remain calm when a person is angry at you. Being calm gives you time to think of a way of ending the disagreement. Additionally, it allows you to listen to the angry person’s grievances and come up with a solution.
Conclusion
Do you think you have great emotional intelligence? Since people tend to be biased, you may claim your EI is impeccable. The best way of knowing whether you have it is by asking the people you trust e.g. parents. If you ask them, be ready to embrace negative feedback. Once you understand your weaknesses, you will begin to improve. Remember, EI is necessary for improving your interactions with others.
Also, you could visit a psychologist to understand your EI level. They will do that by measuring your EI through any of these approaches: self-report, other-report and ability-based assessments.
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