People have high expectations about marriages thanks to societal or media influence. The moment they get married they become shocked or disappointed. Since the marriage does meet their expectations, they end up divorcing their partners. Of course, things get worse when you get divorced. Divorce hurts your children, costs a lot of money and it changes personal relationships.
By understanding some misconceptions about marriage, you will not end it for selfish or lame reasons. Remember, marriage takes a lot of work to maintain. Without further ado, here are a few misconceptions about marriage below.
Happily Ever After
This misconception stems from fairy tales, romantic comedies and soap operas. It gives off the impression that people in the marriage will constantly be happy. Remember, there are still problems that you will face on Earth that will make you unhappy. For instance, you could lose your job. In such a case, the marriage is likely to face some difficulties. Your partner may resent you being jobless and nag you to get a job.
Marriage does not inherently make you happy. Both partners have to do what they can do to introduce some excitement in their lives. They can only succeed in pleasing each other as long as they make the effort to communicate and remain understanding.
It Will Change Your Partner
There are certain things some people may not like about their partners. Such people usually assume that marriage will cause their partners to change their behaviors. Take a good example of a woman who complains that her boyfriend always plays video games. The woman may assume that the marriage will cause the man to become mature and only focus on her and their children. Truthfully, giving up video games or any other hobby is not something that some men can drop on a whim. The best thing the woman can do is to accommodate the man’s behaviors.
Of course, there are legitimate reasons why people should change. A good example is when a person constantly loses their temper. As the person’s partner, you could tell them how their temper affects you. However, it will take time for them to change. That goes to show that marriage doesn’t change behavior, it is the person’s willingness to do so.
It Is Always 50/50
Of course, married partners should contribute equally in all aspects of their relationship. Even though it is fair for partners to do things 50/50, there are circumstances where one will do more than the other. To understand more about this, you can watch Michelle Obama’s interview about it. Anyway, your partner may become bedridden due to an illness. In that case, you will do most of the work in the house until your partner recovers. It is also the same case with a partner who loses their job. In terms of financial contributions, you will do most of them until your partner gets a job.
Also, in the marriage you and your partner may decide that 50/50 doesn’t work for you. You could be earning so much money that you feel comfortable being a breadwinner. In that case, you could agree with your partner that they should stay and help around the home. That means the marriage will not always be 50/50 because the couple doesn’t see it as convenient for them.
It Will Complete Me
Frankly, there are people who should not get married in the first place. The people I am referring to are those with unresolved issues. Such people assume that their partner will automatically solve all their problems. The problem with relying on others to solve your issues is that it leads to co-dependency. Believe me, your partner will grow weary of you depending on them. They will view you in the same way a child depends on their parent.
Ultimately, it is upon you to solve your personal issues. It is unfair to expect someone else to handle your mess. Of course, there is nothing wrong with asking for some help from your partner. Just remember to distinguish between asking for help and being co-dependent.
Our Relationship Will Improve Once We Have Kids
It is easy to see why some would believe this misconception. The media will always display a happy-looking couple with kids. Also, you may get that impression when you visit your married friends or relatives. Here is the thing, kids bring some joy into your lives. However, kids making you happy does not mean your relationship will get better if it is bad to begin with. If your kids go to school, the marriage will be back to being bad not unless you do something about it.
Also, kids can strain a relationship. This is especially the case with those who were not ready to have them. You are likely to constantly argue with your partner about your kid’s financial needs e.g. buying diapers. Also, by having kids, the focus slowly shifts from each other to them. Soon, your partner will complain you no longer love them.
Conflict is a Sign the Marriage is Falling Apart
Admittedly, conflict can signal a marriage is falling apart. If your partner responds to conflict by being verbally or physically abusive, you should be concerned. However, conflicts are normal in a marriage and that does not mean your marriage is on the rocks. For instance, there are moments you will differ on what items to purchase for your house.
There is a tendency by men to avoid conflict by shutting down. However, avoiding conflict does not solve the problem. Since the problem is not resolved, resentment will slowly build in the marriage and that is when the marriage may fall apart.
Conclusion
Marriage is not as easy as it looks. Despite it being not as easy, it is still a beautiful thing. The marriage will only turn out well once people unlearn these marriage misconceptions. By unlearning them, you will have a realistic view of how marriages work. As a result, you and your partner will work hard for the sake of your marriage’s success.
Despite being realistic, open communication with your partner will make your marriage smooth. It encourages you to talk about your expectations. By talking about them, you and your partner can figure out if they can be met. As you speak out, do not do it in a hostile manner. Being hostile will only cause your partner to shut down.
Marriage is not easy