Selective Disclosure: Resisting the Urge to Overshare

In the complex dance of human interaction, many of us have succumbed to the temptation of telling people what they want to hear, driven by the people-pleaser within us. The desire to avoid disappointment, disapproval, and potential conflict often leads us to utter words that may not align with our true feelings. Let’s face it—sometimes, it’s about the fear of saying no, and, admittedly, some of us have mastered the art of tailoring our words to gain present advantages.

The instances where we choose to be indirect or even resort to outright lies often stem from various motivations:

1. 1. Meeting Expectations: We might tell people what they want to hear because they have explicitly communicated their expectations or because we believe, based on our interactions, that meeting these expectations is what’s anticipated of us. Past experiences of relenting under pressure can lead us to believe that anything other than a compliant yes will be met with rejection.

2. 2. Misguided Perceptions: Whether based on skewed impressions or a fear of criticism, conflict, disappointment, or rejection, we might tell people what we think they want to hear even when it’s not accurate. This tendency can be particularly pronounced in situations where we anticipate personal gain, such as the phenomenon of Future Faking or repeatedly canceling plans while expecting continued acceptance.

3. 3. Faulty Associations: Negative associations with honesty, stemming from explosive reactions in the past, can also drive us to tell people what they want to hear. A history of being conditioned to conform to expected responses, either by others or by a parent who demanded certain affirmations, can contribute to this aversion to candidness.

While occasional instances of telling people what they want to hear are common, it can become a pervasive habit for those who are passive or passive-aggressive.

i. The Passive Persona: A passive individual tends to suppress their needs, wants, and expectations in pursuit of approval and validation. The belief that compliance with expectations will yield rewards often results in feeling marginalized and potentially taken advantage of, fostering a sense of abuse.

ii. The Passive-Aggressive Persona: In contrast, a passive-aggressive individual is content to tell people what they want to hear, as they either intend to follow through with their original plans or undermine their commitments through subsequent actions. This behavior is often characterized by backtracking, managing down expectations, moaning, griping, obstructionism, orchestrating conflict, or frequent cancellations.

Choosing to tell people what they want to hear, even when it may cause pain for either party, suggests a prioritization of momentary comfort over long-term honesty. By doing so, we postpone discomfort rather than avoiding or eliminating it.

The aversion to being direct and representing ourselves authentically may stem from a deep-seated fear of conflict or rejection. However, avoiding the truth only prolongs potential consequences and adds layers of complexity to the situation. Each time we opt for pleasing falsehoods over uncomfortable truths, we delay inevitable discomfort and often intensify the eventual consequences. It’s a temporary reprieve, not a solution or erasure.

In personal experience, the sky has yet to fall due to straightforward communication and honest representation. Saying no or delivering unwelcome truths may be momentarily uncomfortable, but the aftermath of dishonesty, contradiction, and self-suppression can cause far greater damage.

In the grand tapestry of human relationships, each instance of saying yes when we mean no equates to saying no to ourselves while compromising our own boundaries. Selective sharing, choosing when to disclose and when to withhold, becomes a vital skill in navigating the delicate balance between authenticity and diplomacy.

As we resist the urge to overshare, it’s crucial to recognize that honesty, even when uncomfortable, fosters genuine connections and builds a foundation of trust. In the realm of interpersonal dynamics, the power of selective sharing lies not in the words we speak to please, but in the authenticity we bring to our interactions.

As we conclude this exploration, I invite you, dear readers, to share your thoughts and experiences on the power of truth-telling and the nuanced choices we make in our interactions. Your insights contribute to the ongoing conversation about the intricacies of selective sharing, adding diverse perspectives to this tapestry of understanding. Feel free to leave your comments below, as we continue to learn and grow together in the ever-evolving landscape of interpersonal dynamics.

• Email Address: carsonanekeya02@gmail.com
• Website URL: https://twitter.com/C_Anekeya