Someone I know had a boyfriend; they had a good relationship for most of it. He took her home, introduced her to his parents, and they were going to get married. She got pregnant, you know, because methods fail and these things happen. He was very supportive, took her to the clinic, and paid for everything. The dude was even filling out forms to add her to his NHIF. It was going well; he even attended the wellness ultrasound, joyful and all. Five months into the pregnancy, he up and left. He changed his number and went AWOL. The baby girl was broken, but she had no time, so she picked herself up and planned for delivery. Every time I see someone shaming women for being single mothers, I wonder. Do you know the story, or do you just think someone was dumb and had a baby with an original deadbeat? Yes, I know some who do, but still, shaming someone for the choices of another adult is wrong. No one says that the deadbeats are wrong or that they made mistakes; all the blame goes to the parents who stayed. Mothers who frustrate efforts for dads to see their kids—no one will blame them—we all go straight to asking what the man did to deserve all of that. Have you met men who are being abused by women, either financially, emotionally, or physically? They don’t speak about it because, it’s a red zone for most, so they resort to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain. Shaming a parent trying to do what’s best for their child is plain wrong, but then victim blaming is worse. We need to do better as human beings, to be kind to each other, and to hold people accountable for their choices. Victim shaming is not it,kapsaa no. Telling men not to support or see children because their mothers moved on cannot be done. Telling moms to drop children at the doorsteps of a father who doesn’t want them cannot be it. Asking a man why he hasn’t moved on after separation is wrong. Asking victims of gender-based violence why they couldn’t walk away cannot be done. Intentionally inflicting pain on another human being should be questioned with the same energy we use to drag victims. Snarky comments at family functions should stop. Don’t create toxic spaces for your kin who are trying to survive. This festive season, be kind to others. You don’t know the battles a person is fighting. Extend kindness to men, women, and children. Asking a child to grow up is petty and childish,grow up. Merry Christmas and a happy new year! #familyfriendly #rebuild #restructure
