I have the highest respect for my mother; that woman is a mama bear. Especially now that I am one, I truly respect what she has done to raise us. Most days, she is a mother to both of us—me and my child—a very intentional woman that one.My mom is the type of person who will go to the ends of the earth to protect her children. She will get rained on many times,she will not sleep, and she has forgotten to eat a few times when one of us is in trouble. I know for a fact that she would give up everything she has if it would put a smile on our faces. My brothers and I are lucky people—the luckiest people, if you ask me.
Which makes me say this: She is stronger than I will ever be. You may ask why, well, she knew my relationship was going nowhere; she knew it was wrong; heck, she even said it out loud. However, because I was in and she wanted me to be happy, she supported me. She went to the extremes to make sure I was okay. Inside that space, she still tried to be my comfort, even when I didn’t know I needed it. Every step of my life, she has been here. She has loved me beyond words. She has loved me beyond my actions. There was a day she could read my sadness from my face, and I couldn’t. I remember wondering what she was seeing, because I looked good,I had dressed well,I was doing what I love, and I genuinely thought I was happy. I have looked at a picture from that day, and I can promise you she is a wonder woman. She survived seeing me like that; she still loved me even when I didn’t love myself. I can’t begin to imagine the pain she went through. Seeing your child fade away like that can break a person. She didn’t break; she held on so I could find a place to land. I finally left; she has never rubbed it in my face; she supports me; she is the reason I am still standing. On days when I am tired and can’t go on,she stands in the gap for me. I am 100 percent sure that I wouldn’t have made it this far on my own. If she had snapped and lost it, there would have been nowhere for me to go after I left.
One day I will write about my pregnancy journey, which I realize now might have killed me if she had abandoned me. I have been loved by y’all even when I didn’t love myself.
This is a woman who has celebrated every small win since I was born. Showed up for every school event on time. She was never late; she encouraged me, prayed for me, and even went with me to my campus when it got late. That thing about mothers “dying with their children”—she h had proven there’s not a thing she won’t do to put a smile on my face.
This week I have been reflecting on a lot of things, and I wish she could see me now. I wish she could feel what I feel—absolute peace. I wish she could see my face the way it is glowing. I am not even using anything; I am just at peace.
I write about my mother,the woman who loves me with all of her existence. The leading example of intentional parenting. She says she had her children for herself, and I am testimony to that. I celebrate the woman whose voice I take after. I hope that one day her efforts bore fruit and she gets to say they were worth it.
I love you,Mama Conso, famously known as Bot Chiri. Thank you for believing in me, for loving me, and for everything. You are a wonder woman, and you have done a wonderful job as my mother.
