One day, I will write about the tribulations of being an opinionated woman in this country. You speak your mind; you are told you are bossy; you don’t speak your mind; you are a coward. You stay in a toxic relationship, or rather, one that doesn’t work, and you are asked why you can’t leave. The day you die because of it, they will ask your doctor why you didn’t ask for help. They will shame you for choosing to stay; never mind that they will not help you if you ask.
The day you leave, they will ask you why you couldn’t keep a man. I was unfortunate to sit amongst men who cracked jokes when one of them said he dated a single mom once. They told him he was too young to date a single mom. He is 35 years old. Never mind that he doesn’t know if he has kids out here. His words.”.
As a woman, if you talk about your past relationships, you will be told you haven’t healed. You will be called bitter for even mentioning an experience you had with your ex. You can’t talk about your past because the pain you went through isn’t supposed to be talked about. They say no matter what, that is the father of your children, and you shouldn’t shame them. Their mantra is to let the pain of your choices consume you in silence.
The women who don’t talk about themselves will tell you that they have been accused of wanting their exes back. They assume you don’t talk about them because you are hoping they will come back. They will say you are covering his mistakes so that he can come back to you. Never mind that you could be going to therapy to heal yourself, or you could be the woman who doesn’t talk about her problems.
They will call you Toxic for not letting him see his child at weird hours of the day. They will call you names because you have boundaries. The day you choose civilization and co-parent, they will say you are sleeping with them. The owner of the well doesn’t queue for water. An analogy that says you had no choice in the matter of separation.
You cannot win; you will not win.
I applaud the women before us who have broken barriers for us. I see your scars. Thank you for walking naked so we can be clothed.
Before I forget, when society realizes that you don’t care if they call you names, they will resort to body-shaming you. When it doesn’t work, they will label you a husband-and-wife snatcher.
Like I said, there is no winning.
When you find someone mature enough to date you, they will call him a simp. They will brand him names because all they see is a woman who should stay down. You should stay, broken because you are a woman.
My personal favorite of them all is when you say no to a man and he shames you for the very choice you are proud of. It makes me laugh every time because you can’t shame the shameless.
