Dear Ex
I never thought that I would write about you or that I would ever think about you. But I held our child and wiped her tears as she cried about you. It wasn’t the first time, and it probably will not be the last time, but hey, I’ll be here for all of it.
I don’t know your reasons for choosing this path; maybe I don’t even want to know. For a long time, I stuck with this because I told myself that you were a good father. Oh, the pain of realizing it was all tied to a fantasy. The gut-wrenching realization that you would be okay leaving her like that.
I am sorry that I stayed when I should have left. I am sorry that I missed the signs every time you disappointed her.
See, I couldn’t even be mad because, looking back, the signs were always there. You didn’t do either good or bad to me, but then I thought that meant you cared. It turns out it meant you didn’t feel the need to. I am sorry that I expected more from you.
After I walked away, I expected you to be a dad, maybe as a justification that I wasn’t wrong about you. It turns out I was, and you weren’t interested in doing anything for real. Picking up your daughter’s call is too much for you, and that’s funny because every time I talked about you, I always said you were an amazing father. The jokes are on me now as I look at how much time I lost trying to make us work.
I write this hoping, that one day our child will know that this choice has nothing to do with me.
As per society, I failed to pick a good baby daddy. Which makes me laugh because all those nights you stayed up with her, I never thought this was how you would move on. I wonder how I was supposed to know you were going to be a deadbeat when you spent many months alone with her. I am sorry that I expected to co-parent peacefully.
So today, just like the day I walked away from our relationship, I walk away from expecting you to be a father. I have known for months that you were not going to stay in her life. But you know me, I deal with something first before I talk about it. Well, I have dealt and made peace with it.
If history is anything to go by, you will try calling in a few months just to remind her of all the things she is missing. Then you will disappear after making promises you won’t keep. So I’ll say I am sorry for expecting anything from you. I am sorry that I gave you unlimited chances, and all I did in the process was break my child’s heart.
I hope that one day she forgives me for choosing you and for giving you too many chances. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Right now, I know I have done everything I could do regarding this matter.
