Suicide is a way out, a backup plan for when it doesn’t work out. I know that’s scary to say out loud, but I have been thinking about it a lot. I’m not thinking about doing it per se but as an option. You see, I have been going through so much that words cannot describe and I am starting to feel like I need plan B. If you ask me why I think this is a good plan, I`ll tell you it’s not. But then I have tried. I have attempted to the job industry which has shown me things I never thought were possible. I have attempted to do business in many forms, and I can’t even begin to list the losses it gave me.
I did farming. I love farming, but I am not done paying a loan I took to plant things that the sun reduced to zero.
So each day I wake up hoping that I will get a job, so I stop looking for a plan B. I haven’t found any, so this morning I woke up thinking about trying again today. To find a job that is, and I haven’t stepped out yet because it has been raining since morning. I also have the crazy flu, so I thought about being rained on because I remembered I went job hunting in the rain, and that’s why I have the flu in the first place.
I love medicine, and I am passionate about mental health, yet some days I think these passions don’t love me back. I am ready to work; heck, I even love working, and when I can access work, I am basically a workaholic. I enjoy serving patients as it fulfills my purpose, but I can not find a job, and I think that keeps hurting me.
I don’t know what to do, and I haven’t figured out how to get by this month. So I look out the window, and the rain has stopped, so I am going to try one more time. I hope that the job market is kind to me today. I got a paying job, so I stopped thinking so much that I do not sleep at all these days.
Maybe this is what it means to be an adult, or I could just be failing at it.Suicide is a way out, a backup plan for when it doesn’t work out. I know that’s scary to say out loud, but I have been thinking about it a lot. I’m not thinking about doing it per se but as an option. You see, I have been going through so much that words cannot describe and I am starting to feel like I need plan B. If you ask me why I think this is a good plan, I`ll tell you it’s not. But then I have tried. I have attempted to the job industry which has shown me things I never thought were possible. I have attempted to do business in many forms, and I can’t even begin to list the losses it gave me.
I did farming. I love farming, but I am not done paying a loan I took to plant things that the sun reduced to zero.
So each day I wake up hoping that I will get a job, so I stop looking for a plan B. I haven’t found any, so this morning I woke up thinking about trying again today. To find a job that is, and I haven’t stepped out yet because it has been raining since morning. I also have the crazy flu, so I thought about being rained on because I remembered I went job hunting in the rain, and that’s why I have the flu in the first place.
I love medicine, and I am passionate about mental health, yet some days I think these passions don’t love me back. I am ready to work; heck, I even love working, and when I can access work, I am basically a workaholic. I enjoy serving patients as it fulfills my purpose, but I can not find a job, and I think that keeps hurting me.
I don’t know what to do, and I haven’t figured out how to get by this month. So I look out the window, and the rain has stopped, so I am going to try one more time. I hope that the job market is kind to me today. I got a paying job, so I stopped thinking so much that I do not sleep at all these days.
Maybe this is what it means to be an adult, or I could just be failing at it.
