Shame occurs as a consequence of the decisions we make. However, it can also occur out of the blues, which means that you played no part in causing it. Despite, how shame comes about, life can only get better if we learn to positively cope with this monster called shame.
Here are a few ways you can try to overcome shame.
1. Understand how the shame resulted
Knowledge is power. It is crucial to dig deep within yourself and understand the root cause of any feeling of shame. Say, you become a teen parent. Shame in such a case resulted from knowingly engaging in unsafe sex. Number two, such shame is exacerbated from the feeling of disappointing guardians and other important people in your life. The other cause could also be from the person with whom you engaged in unsafe sex with, they could be someone who has questionable character, further increasing the shame. Most importantly, shame is caused by contravening morals which are strictly held by the family or culture which you belong. For instance, most of our African societies hold the belief that sex should be practised within the confines of marriage.
Understanding all these underlying factors is the first step to overcoming shame.
2. Seek out life stories of people who have undergone similar situations.
These life stories provide comfort and help you to forgive yourself. Say you became an alcoholic who ended up losing a well-paying job and now you have to deal with unemployment. Seek out other people who have battled alcoholism and won. Let their struggles bring you to a place where you feel you are not alone.
3. Talk to a person who cares about you.
This person could be your parent or sibling or a friend. Let them be your therapist. Tell them your fears and your struggle. Seek their help in crafting a way out of the darkness you are in right now.
4. Positive self-talk
Be your own friend. Remind yourself of the many obstacles you have overcome in the past. Promise yourself to overcome this present one too. Be your own friend. Remind yourself that others have fallen too and you are not perfect at all. Promise yourself that you will not allow one event to derail your dreams and goals.
5. Practice Self Love.
Resume the activities that made you feel better. Visit the library and read that captivating book. Prepare that delicious meal. Get lost in the woods. Smell the roses. Listen to that song for the 100th time. Run that business and earn that money. Be kind to yourself, for we are all on a journey.
Thank you for an eye opening piece. I also believe that overcoming shame is a journey to self awareness as it helps one locate where the feelings of guilt come from so that one can start by accepting themselves. Sometimes it would not help talking to loved ones if they themselves are not self aware as they might end up exacerbating the situation instead of healing no matter how much love they put into their efforts. My take is, its better to talk to a professional therepist, it helps.